Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
