1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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