Do vagina's smell?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize