You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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