Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
