last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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