Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
