That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
