my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
