too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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