Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My breasts were aching with rage.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
