Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize