Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
