he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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