Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
lets start a swedish sibling band together
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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