this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
