all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
