Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
