I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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