i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
