I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
