ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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