i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
