drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
