I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize