Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
