I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
