You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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