the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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