I feel like abortions should bother me more
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
