Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
