Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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