Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
