I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
These tits shall not be calmed
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