If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize