thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
