the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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