I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
