you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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