you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
