I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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