kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
