You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
