I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize