You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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