Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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