apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
