bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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