Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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