they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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