i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
