you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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