i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
