Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
