I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am midnight drunk by noon
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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