You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
