last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
