my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
