if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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