I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
