It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
