my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
