how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize