By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
