Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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