you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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