How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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