It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
