his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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