just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize