LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
