I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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