Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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