Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
