I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
