i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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