Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
