i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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