He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
