somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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