My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
