I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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