I am puke
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
