literally had 100 drinks last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
