just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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