Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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